Game 2

Dear Cubs,
I know you have a lot on your mind right now, but I think you are forgetting about something very important: Me.

If you continue to play like this, I will have a heart attack well before my 31st birthday. As it is, my chest feels tight and I want to throw up all the time. I can't talk or even smile during the games if you are losing, which has been all but 5 minutes of the last 2 games. Furthermore, I have tickets for game 4. If you get swept and I don't get to go to game 4, there is a solid chance that I am going to go on a 12 state killing spree, and that would be all your fault. I think a jury would agree.

So, here is my advice for game 3:
1. Throw first pitch strikes.
2. When you get men in scoring position and less than two outs, you should consider hitting the ball out of the infield.
3. To Alfonso Soriano: you don't have to swing at every first pitch.
4. To the middle of the Cubs lineup: there are actual baseball games going on, in fact they are of some importance, so you should probably make an appearance.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to seeing many of you on Sunday.

Warm Regards,

Dan Erickson